Best Quote I Heard All Day
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids--Bill Maher

Tomorrow, April 4, is QueerJoe's birthday. Please go to his blog and leave happy birthday wishes for the hits-whore. He'll be watching his stats counter all day.

Gloss-hairy
I see that there have been a lot of new readers. That's great. Lia asked, "Who's the Tiny Diva?" Although it was answered, I'm guessing that many of my references may leave some readers in the dark.

So here's the KC's official glossary of terms that I use frequently. Some to disparage those in need of it.

• The X-men - Alexis and David Xenakis, mutilators of Knitter's magazine
• DragonBoy - Rick Mondragon, fashion disaster and blue-pencil wannabe for Knitter's
• KnitDweebs - The unknowing, the uncaring, and the clueless. Credentials include publicly announced Random Acts of Kindness, overt ego-enhancing charity knitting, an aversion to Google, and a predilection for petroleum-based yarn.
• Tiny Diva - The frenetic, pulsating, and frequently pink Fun-Fur clad Lily Chin
  
• Vague - Vogue Knitting (I don't necessarily take credit for this one.)
• The Wolverinas - my hoodlum knitting friends, who include the aforementioned birthday boy, Kathy Merrick, Selma the Axe-Murderess, Carol S., Lisa the Human Gaydar, Franklin, Liza Prior Lucy, and the inimitable Loopy
• The Punk Princess - granddaughter Liz
• The Scrap Curmudgeon - My sister Karen, who just can't seem to come up with an original handle for herself
  

I know the Wolvies could add more. They may, if they like.

Canada Redux
I promise never again to make fun of "aboot" et al. However, stop being so fucking sensitive, my dear Canadian friends. No one gets more abuse than a New Jerseyan. Not even Canadians, eh?

If you live in New Jersey, and I have many readers who do, you know that most people's image of NJ is the Turnpike and all other opening sequences of the Sopranos. And if you land at Newark Liberty Airport, that's what you see.

As for my accent, bite me. So I say "cawfee" and use other horrific pronounciations. Fuck that. At least I'm articulate. Besides, every time I hear Loopy on the phone, I get audio hallucinations of Ann Landers. (Now I'm gonna get it.)

There's still plenty of farmland here. We can only pray that the current housing market decline will keep it that way.

Open Mike Tuesday
I guess everyone liked last week's, so I'm going to make it a regular feature. That is, as regular as I make anything. Not much going on with fiber. I'm in stasis, dontcha know. Haven't done a damned thing in the past two days, not a stitch to be discussed. Probably more on the weekend.

So here's your topic:

The one knitting designer or "personality" up whose ass you'd most like to stick a hot knitting needle.

Go for it. And gay boys, let's answer this in an appropriate manner, OK? I can almost hear Franklin now.

If you have a topic you'd like to see in this space, let me know. I'll entertain it.

Make sure it's rare and handy, especially if you're new to the blog. Because the old-timers will tell you what happens if it isn't.

Update: First--if you didn't get the Letterman April Fool's joke, don't admit it publicly. Second, today we'll finally know who DannieLynn's father is. I'm breathless with anticipation.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
We'll explain the appeal of curling to you if you explain the appeal of the National Rifle Association to us.--Andy Barrie

For those of you who don't know who Andy Barrie is, read this. Now you know.

O, Canada!
Today was Canada Day in my house. I had a wonderful phone-o-rama with my beloved friend, Ted Myatt, and read Lee Ann's blog.

And realized (or is it realised?) how many Canadian knitters and Canadian yarn companies have influenced me.

The short list, besides the two aforementioned people:

• Veronik Avery
• Kate Gilbert
• Lucy Neatby
• Sivia Harding
• JoVE
• Barb Brown
• Katherine Matthews
• Lars Rains
• Koigu
• Fleece Artist
• Fiddlesticks Knitting

I know, I've left out just a few. No offense intended and some were omitted on purpose. But those listed are the ones that I appreciate the most. (I'd do links but it's late and I'm lazy, so Google.)

The first Canadian I ever met was at college. She was born in Canada but raised in Brasilia, her father being a Canadian diplomat posted there, and could sing Tommy James and The Shondells' Hanky Panky in Portuguese. What a pisser she was. And it was the first time I heard anyone say "aboot" and "hoose." I was completely gobsmacked. Of course, my skanky New Jersey accent was the butt of her jokes, too.

Some guys I knew from high school fled to Canada to avoid the Vietnam War, and are still there, Canadian citizens, despite the amnesty. Makes you wonder if it's worth fleeing there now. Such a sane country.

I'm looking forward to seeing my Canadian friends at Rhinebeck. As well as my Aussie friends.

Of the knitting blogs I read, half are Canadian, Australian, and British. Probably because they lack the idiotic flavor that has permeated the American knitting blogs.

Rapunzel Rulez
Or some shit like that. Spinning was about it today. After being invaded this afternoon by daughter Jenn, grandson Ian, and Jenn's boyfriend Norm, I got absolutely no warping done. Eh, so what. I always love seeing Ian, who's never had his picture published solo on the blog. So here he is, the most recent picture I have, taken at Christmas:

He was born the day after my birthday, hence his nickname "Birthday Present." Ian's modus operandi is to run into the house, say "Hi Gram, bye Gram," and then run outside, hopefully with one of cousin Liz's skateboards. If Liz is not at home.

Anyway, I decided to spend my evening spinning the Grape merino/tussah silk. The bobbin never seems to get any fuller. It defies the laws of physics, possibly. I'm sure there's some rocket scientist who reads this blog and will correct me.

I've not been spinning much during the past four months or so. Time to get back to the wheels. After talking to Ted about his dyeing efforts, I'm tempted to fiddle with some of the Bluefaced Leicester I have ageing in the stash.

April's Fool
It's now after midnight, which means that it's April 1. Three more days until Joe's birthday. Twenty-four until my 57th. I could have done another April Fool's post, as I did last year, but I'm rather retarded tonight. It's enough to write this and update the Bizarro Link of the Month.

However, I do have some news to impart.

Two days ago, I received a call from the David Letterman show, asking me to appear on the show next month doing a Stupid Human Trick. I won't spoil the surprise but those who know me can guess what I'll be doing.

Yes, it's rare and handy. And almost superhuman, too. Will I beat the Tiny Diva at her own game? Stay tuned.