Maaaaac Attack!

Best Quote I Heard All Day

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith.—Steve Jobs

As a geek and a very early Mac user—I began with one of the very first 512K Mac Plus models in 1984, right after the Lisa—my segue into the land of Billy Gates and PCs was an event over which I had no control. In 2000, when I left the land of magazine publishing where Macs reigned supreme and went over to the Dark Side to become a tech writer, I was tossed kicking and screaming into a PC world.

As I journeyed through the tech world, I found that I wasn’t alone in my disdain for Microsoft—most developers really hate Windows, despise Vista, and love the Mac operating system or Open Source. Linux is big, too. (Of course, being a SharePoint administrator and architect does rather tie me to Billy. But SP is arguably the best thing that ever came out of Microsoft.)

I caved and bought a Dell desktop and laptop, sadly dumping my old Mac G3. It’s been almost seven years since I’ve touched a Mac. Well, huzzah. I bought a MacBook. It’s almost better than sex. I did this entry on the Mac and while it's a bit fucked up, I'll get back into the swing of OS X soon enough.

Blog Redesign

My boss Rick, who as the Web Team Leader, gets to use a Mac, showed me how to use my Mac to redesign my blog.

After almost 7 years, I’ve about had it with Blogger. Because I use Blogger for the page layout and other stuff but I publish my entries to my own domain, www.knittingcurmudgeon.com, Blogger won’t allow me to use widgets. And I have to hard-code anything I want to change on the template.

So over the course of the next month or so, I’ll be working on a completely new look. I’m thinking I’ll debut it on the blog’s 7^th anniversary.

Book Acquisitions

I’ve been on a binge lately. Well, for me. I am so incredibly sick of seeing the shitload of how-to-knit books (I’m tempted to do a count of how many how-tos are in print), it’s always a pleasure to find some good books that presume you know your shit to some degree.

There’s been four additions to my library lately: Cheryl Oberle’s Knitted Jackets, The Essential Guide to Color Knitting Techniques, French Girl Knits, and Pretty in Punk. You know who'll benefit from the last title. All were worth every penny but The Essential Guide is unquestionably the most comprehensive book on the subject that I've ever read. It covers all color knitting, including working with hand-dyed yarns. That discussion alone is worth buying the book.

I have an extensive library but few how-to reference books. My preferred books for that category is the Vogue Knitting book and all of Maggie Righetti’s books. I own Principles of Knitting but never use it. It’s a ponderous tome and frankly, grossly overwritten and opinionated. I understand that June Hiatt has been updating it but I’ve heard that rumor for three years now.

Need to Know

I’ve managed to muddle along for years using four cast-ons: long tail, provisional, cable, and knitted-on. I don’t feel I need to learn yet another cast-on. The Double SwitchBack Rustic Arcadian cast-on ain't in my playbook. These four fill the bill.

Decreases? Well, those are actually more limited in the number of methods than increases. I never decrease on the edge of anything. But you know that, don’t you.

In lacework, I will make a judgment call on how I decrease. Still, decreases are always variations that are worked within the same number of stitches—if you have to decrease 2 sts in a lace pattern, you can either slip 1, knit 2 together and then pass the slipped stitch over, knit 3 together, or knit 2 together, knit 1 and pass the 2 into 1 dec’d stitches over it. With decreases, it’s always a matter of how the finished decrease looks that will determine your choice. You don’t have to use what the designer has chosen if you prefer another method. I often change my decrease methods to improve the look.

Increases are another story. I collect 'em. Depending upon the stitch pattern, you often must use a specific increase method. This is driven by the way the stitch pattern is formed and how the increase is blended into the pattern.

Bind-offs? I have a couple up my sleeve, as it were.

The sum total of my knowledge could fill a short book. Which is why I would never bother writing a how-to. It's getting tiresome to see yet another of these appear on the scene. I trashed my how-to book three years ago because I didn't want to waste my time or anyone else's by rehashing the same old shit.

My Writing Shit

Speaking of books, mine continue apace. I've put Rock Sox to one side because the other book has become far more meaningful to me. Suffice it to say that I am following advice Shannon Okey gave me awhile back, advice that I put aside and then reconsidered. I will be asking the Punk Princess to do the cover. Liz is a talented artist and the one person I can be sure will come through for me.

Most of my friends have seen this picture and are probably sick of looking at it, but this is Liz at her induction into the National Art Honor Society last December, with one of her pieces in back of her. She was almost 10 when I first started writing this blog and long-time readers have watched her grow up on these here pages. She's her Gangsta Gram's girl, for sure. Rare, handy, with a wicked sense of humor.

Back from the Misty World

My God, it's been almost a month since I posted.

To everyone who wrote me, thanks so much for caring. Yes, I was in the depths, seriously. A few days after Rhinebeck, I could tell I was diving deep. Triggered by my insane schedule. I was warned this would happen by my doctor but it's the paycheck that kept me going, until I could go no more.

That said, I'm back. And much better. I never give up fighting the good fight. And there's some really excellent news. From all things bad, comes good. I will no longer be doing what I have been doing. I'm going to a new tech writing job, one that pays a ton more money and is much saner. No more travel, no whacky Europeans, no fucked-up non-processes. A very well-known pharmaceutical company. The nightmare is over.

Sedated Knitting

So yeah, while I've been out on medical leave, I pretty much sat and knit this incredibly boring worsted-weight shawl. All seed stitch. Loopy couldn't imagine me doing this. But then, she wasn't taking a shitload of drugs, either. This is a Kathy Zimmerman design from the Vogue On the Go Shawl book 2. I just took the pattern and used it with a pile of leftover Morehouse 3-ply I had in the stash. I wanted something heavier, that would go well with jeans.

Then there are the Noro socks I took to the doctor's office, so that I didn't have to read a 3-month old edition of People.

The other is on the needles. Cuz I ain't done with waiting rooms.

But I knew I was repaired yesterday when I started this Mari Dembrow sweater.

Swatched, hit gauge on the first try, and started the back.

When I say that knitting keeps me together, it's very true. If I ever stop, just dig a hole for me.

And I did finish the Princess cardigan in time for Rhinebeck.

Me and my peeps. And me in the cardigan. I did take a lot of pictures at Rhinebeck, of everyone and everything, which I'll eventually stick into a PowerPoint slide show.

The Giftie Mags

I admit, I buy these, even though I have absolutely no intention of knitting gifts for Christmas presents. I rarely knit gifts, although I've done socks for the family on occasion. Working myself into a frazzle over knitting some stoopid scarf for a gift is not something I care to do.

I must say, both IK and Vague gift issues were uninteresting, with the exception of a Brandon Mably jacket and Deborah Newton cardigan in VK. However, in the winter issue of IK, due out shortly, there is a lovely cardigan by Laura Grutzeck, co-author of Knit So Fine, called Ropes and Picots. I particularly like the saddle shoulder shaping.

Cardigan and Finishing Fixations

I've pretty much let my lace knitting go for the time being, simply because I miss making garments. And I find that cardigans suit my lifestyle and figure much better than pullovers. How many airy-fairy shawls do I need?

I love the whole finishing process of a garment. Many years ago, I did finishing work for local yarn shops to earn extra money. And there's no question that my sewing background helped.

But more than that, long before hand knitters were using mattress stitching, 3-needle bind-offs, and other finishing techniques, machine knitters were doing all of these, as well as "cut and sew" on cardigan fronts, necklines, etc. From 1981 until the early '90s, I was a dedicated machine knitter, with two Brother machines, plus a Passap Duomatic 80.

I learned much about finishing from the machine knitting books, especially how to block properly. When you take a piece off of the knitting machine, it has to be blocked, due to the stress on the fabric from the weights and the stretching over the needle bed.

I believe that the finishing process is an act psychologically separate from knitting and shaping the fabric. And one that gives me enormous satisfaction. There's nothing better than a nicely finished garment. Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

Liz Update

My girl is starting to look at colleges. Can you believe it? I can't. Shit, she's a junior in high school now, headed for art college. Still doing the marching band thing. I went to see her band compete a few weeks ago in the Northeast Regional competition. They came in fourth, pretty damned good. Liz is playing the quints this year, those five little drums. And she's the shortest kid in the band, so you can easily find her in the crowd. I love seeing her in that uniform. She looks like a little tin soldier.

She's still my Punk Princess. Yes, there is a ring in her lip and a stud in her nose. And the bandana is a nice touch. When I see her, I'm always reminded of myself at that age. Musical, artsy, rebel. Take no prisoners. One rare and handy kid, forever my love.

Vacated, Vacant, Vacuous?

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?--Mark Twain

Because I have five days off. That's it for this summer, other than Labor Day weekend.

So I'm makin' it short and sweet. Bulletpoints. Bite me.

Da Mags

• The new VK is out and it's one of the best in a long time. Why? Because it's loaded with Canadians. Between the Canadians and the Brits, there's a shitload of talent. (That's not to say there aren't any Americans on my list--but that list seems to be dwindling.) And here's something quite excellent that's on VK's site. A video showing a number of the garments. This is a brilliant idea and something that should be de rigeur for all of the magazines.

• The new IK should be in the hands of subscribers now. Loopy got hers and said that it was OK, a few good designs (once again, Veronik Avery, naturellement). I have seen it online and honestly, I think VK wins this one.

• Knitters'? The X-Men have truly created a cyber-morass. In the impossibly fucked-up web site they call "The Knitting Universe," that Gordian knot of links, subpages, and miscellanous dead ends, the Gallery for issue 92 is broken. What else would you expect? Clearly, someone started to set it up and then, oh whoops, forgot to put the images into the right directory. Links don't work, boneheads. Pictures ain't loading. I guess they got lost in the Universe. IT Rule of Thumb: It don't go live if it's fucked up. (Unless, of course, you work with Slovenian developers.) Would you buy a magazine whose staff can't even design a decent web site, let alone a functional one? Rhetorical question, purely.

Open Mic Thursday

Well, since I'm mentally on vacation, I had to think this one over. It seems to me that with all the nightmare crap on the news, knitting has become more and more a focal point for me. Hey, nobody's stabbed anyone recently with a #1 dp, have they? Or did I miss that on CNN? Or Faux News? (You have to love Olbermann for that one, along with "Ann Coultergeist," "The Comedian Rush Limbaugh," "Billow," and "Murdoch St. Journal." Brilliant man.)

Anyway, with knitting being more important than anything (ask any KnitDweeb), recently Loopy and I had this conversation about how many methods of casting on are truly necessary. We both agreed that we use the same four: long-tail, provisional (crocheted), cable, and knitted-on aka lace cast-on. This topic was a segue from the uselessness of POK and other tomes that offer you more crap than you'll ever need to know.

So ponder this:

What technique/method have you attempted that you found to be a total waste of time?

I can name at least two that I've mucked around with and wished I hadn't, but I'll let you go for it.

If you belong to the Knit It Because You Can School of Thought, I'm sure you won't have anything to say.

Anyway, skanks, I'm off to bed. I have gotten a bit done on the Loden Mist jacket. In fact, I'm on the final piece, the second sleeve. Then it's block 'n' sew. Should be done next week. I will say this: The directions were ghastly. And there was a glaring error in them, too. Caveat Knitter's. The pattern was marked Experienced. Yes. Experienced in figuring out shit that Knitter's fucks up. Rare and handy is an accolade they'll never get from me.

P.S. The Punk Princess just got her learner's permit and had her first driving lesson today. She reassured me that "I did REAL good, Gram. No matter what ANYONE says." I'm taking her shopping tomorrow for her belated birthday present, a starter bass guitar. She wants to drive my car. I'm going to let her do it. Because I'm her Gangsta Gram. Be afraid of very tiny blonde punk chicks behind the wheel. And a slightly anxious bottle blonde grandmother sitting next to her.

16 on Monday? NOOOOOOO!! Yes.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.--Steven Wright

I think that the solution to this universal problem is to buy enough sock yarn to make three socks. Well, perhaps that's just insanity rather than a solution.

Yes, the Punk Princess turns sweet 16 next Monday, the 28th. Jesus. If anything could make me feel reeeaallly old, it's that. But as Liz says, "You're NOT old, Gram." No, I suppose not. I'll always be her Gangsta Gram. As the Who said, "Hope I die before I get old."

This was Liz at 2. And here's my pal now, with one of her friends, swiped from her Facebook. She's a talented artist, a drummer (who's going to learn how to play bass), and an all-around funky kid. Blood tells, for sure.

So, Dizzy Ms. Lizzy, Happy Birthday. For the past six years, you've been making cameo appearances on my blog. So fercrissakes, start your own, will ya?

Life in General
I've been busy finishing up the Las Vegas Brights scarf and then rummaging around for something to take its place. Unfortunately, I have not had any time to spin, so I guess I won't win the Maillot Jaune this year. I got the scarf blocked out on the porch. Just yanked it out and shaped it rather than trying to pin it. That would have been sheer madness.

I was flipping through last summer's Knitter's, one of the scant decent issues, the one that had Celeste's Campanula. And found a lace jacket thingie by Nancy Marchant that appealed, Loden Mist. I discovered five balls of Dewberry Kidsilk Haze in the stash. I'll be damned if I remember why the fuck I bought them. But they work for the jacket. This piece is finished and the left front is almost done.


Sometimes you just get sick of making shawls and it's time to go back to garments. I love to do the finishing on sweaters. Yeah. Sick. But to me, it's a different process with its own rewards. I still have that Lavold pullover to finish, the one from last fall. So that's next. The Cobweb Crepe shawl is on hold. I need to stitch me some clothing together.


Open Mic Thursday

Well, I kinda missed last week but it seems as if the last topic had a life of its own. This past week, while digging in the stash for the Kidsilk Haze, I was ruminating on how much I love to work with it. A lot of people don't, simply because it's a bitch to rip out. Rowan yarns are some of my very favorites, along with the magazines and the incredible designs.

However, there are a few yarns that I will never, ever work with again. One is Wildefoote sock yarn. It split so badly that I ended up throwing the shit out. That's one.

Of course, I won't work with crap. It's the stuff that you presume isn't shit but turns out to be awful--that's what I'm talking about.

So here ya are:

What yarn will you never, ever work with again?

Yeah, caveat emptor. So make like Consumer Reports and give everyone your sob story.

Gulp. Six Years Tomorrow.
Christ, it really has been six years. I started this mess on July 25, 2002. I figured it would amuse me for about three months. It certainly took my focus away from my troubles, which at the time were legion. A dead husband, a mortgage I was barely able to pay, two adult children back home with their kids, and a job that was on its way out.

But there was always knitting. And writing. And so it shall remain, always. Knitting is the lover that never disappoints, that always gives back in kind. Whenever I feel alone, sad, and unmotivated, all I have to do is pick up them sticks and start focusing on the fabric I'm making.

The same goes for writing. As I've always said, this blog is my main self-indulgence. I write for me. Only me. If somebody reads it, great. If nobody reads it, hey, it's a legacy for my kids.

Liz and I often talk about my family history, which she seems to find fascinating. So for her and Ian, this blog and the books I'm currently writing, are reason enough to keep on keeping on. Because if nothing else, it's been a rare and occasionally handy life.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The word "user" is used by the computer professional when they mean "idiot."--Dave Barry


The whole key to writing successful user manuals is targeting the material to those who may or may not understand the concept of the electrical plug and the "On" button.


Long week of inserting edited text into .xml code. For those of you who know, I need not say more.

For those of you who don't, the proper analogy would be forced knitting of 200 yards of stockinette. In laceweight on size 000s. With my glasses off.

I feel like Lili von Shtupp. Tired. But if ever there were a role I was born to play, it's Lili. With the exception of the thousands of men, again and again.



Mama, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Codeheads
A break was needed from IT BS. I decided last week that it was too hot to work on the Lavold, with just one sleeve left to go. So I put that aside and started Celeste's Campanula lace jacket from this issue of Knitter's, in the Rowan Cotton Glace that I had bought for the Ophelia pullover in the last Rowan mag.



I have been of a mind that pullovers really do make me look excessively tit-o-licious, so I'm rather into jackets and cardis these days. And this has been a very satisfying knit, I must say. Celeste, you've outdone yourself. Bravo for the fitted sleeves.

I will say that given the weight of the Cotton Glace, which is borderline fingering and probably a bit closer to DK, that this is a relatively hefty piece of work. Nonetheless, it's doable. I have not knitted with cotton in a number of years and this is exceptionally nice yarn.

As far as the ties for the front are concerned, I may work my way around that, simply because as someone mentioned, ties are "fiddly." Indeed. I'll keep the ties on the sleeves, though, because they're relatively unobtrusive.

Spinnin' Thin
OK, so I finally got my plyed BBF alpaca on the winder. This first batch was 319 yds. and I'm not done yet, by any stretch of the imagination.



I'm happy with it.

I did promise to write about my thoughts re: spinning thin. So here they are:

• Use a fiber that lends itself to fine spinning: merino, silk, alpaca. Any of these three blended work a treat. See my piece on spinning merino in the sidebar for more information on that fiber.
  
• Use a short/worsted draw. Better control.
• The thinner you spin, the more magnified any drafting inconsistencies become. And don't think that plying will hide them. The size of the inconsistency will determine whether or not it will disappear in the plying. So it had better be tiny.
  
• You do not have to use a special high-speed whorl, for which you pay extra, to spin laceweight. Use the highest ratio you have. You may have to treadle somewhat faster but not that much.
• Keep tension to a minimum. Have just enough so that the single winds onto the bobbin easily.
• Remember that the most minute amount of fiber will stay together if it has enough twist.
  
• Practice, practice, practice. Put on the high-ratio whorl. Begin spinning as you normally would, and then immediately start introducing less and less fiber into the twist. Adjust your treadling accordingly. You will find at first that you are probably not putting enough twist into the fiber and it will drift apart. At least, that's what happened to me. Too much twist and the single will snap, like a balloon popping. Surprise.

Using a spinning wheel is much akin to driving a car. Use your treadling, not your tension, to help control your single, as you would when you drive and use the brake/gas. If you run into drafting trouble, slow the fuck down! Or stop, remove the drafting mess you probably made and start again.

And don't put the death grip on the fiber. Your hand is there only to support and guide it lightly and if you clamp down on it, you not only won't draft smoothly but you will make a nasty fibrous blob.

Much of the above info applies to spinning in general. It's always a case of your control over the equipment, not vicey versy.

One of the things that absolutely amazes me is the amount of horrible spinning that people are doing and then having the nerve to sell online for $30+ a skein as "novelty" yarn. Well, in fact, who would know if they were trying to spin thick-and-thin on purpose or just flogging their badly spun wares to the uneducated public?

Since there's a plethora of crappy handspun out there that is labeled "novelty" yarn, my guess is that it's the latter, rather than the former.

Have a Nice Cup of STFU
One of the things that I do in my job is to create Flash tutorials, using Camtasia. Of course, it's not all that exciting, recording the fucking cursor go here, there, and everywhere on the application that my company produces; however, it did give me the idea to do some audio for the blog at some point.

I'm not talking about podcasting. I don't want to be bothered with that. However, I rather thought it would be fun at some point to do the blog as an audio file, rather than a typed one. Just a thought. I promise I will say "cawfee" at least once.

Summer Sluggishness
There's nothing more relaxing than sitting on the deck, knitting amidst my geraniums. I love them and I have the full sun all day for them, too.



Of course, when the Punk Princess and her jabbering girlfriends hit the pool, the serenity comes to a shrieking halt. Fortunately, all the friends also have pools, so yesterday, they made like Burt Lancaster in "The Swimmer" and did the tour.

It must be great to be almost 15, have the whole summer ahead of you, and be able to look good in a bikini. I remember those days, 42 years ago, when I went to Montclair Beach Club with my friends and lay out tanning (no sunscreen, of course), with the jukebox in the snack bar blasting "Help Me Rhonda" by the Beach Boys, which was #1 today on June 3, 1965.

Even at 57, summer is a rare and handy time of year.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I am a Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz, as you can plainly see.--Dr. Suess

I do not like green silk with ramie. I do not like them, SamIAmie.

Or words to that effect.

Tell me if this is not a Dr. Suess hat? On a Zizzer Zazzer Zuzz.

I just couldn't leave that Julia yarn alone. I talked myself into breaking the boundaries. Such fun it was, too.

Many thanks to the Punk Princess for obliging her Gangsta Gram. Now mind you, she doesn't want the hat. But she's completely convinced that by modeling my stuff, she gets her Warholian 15 minutes.

I hope she never becomes disillusioned.

I knit this over the course of two evenings. It could be done in one day, easily. I suppose I'll have to wear it, like the Mad Hatter. It's a token toque, as it were. The square crown was fun to do. As was the rest of it.

I meant what I said and I said what I meant
OK, so to clarify:

• I love dogs.


• I loathe the thought of knitting for a pet.


• I am not going to darken my hair.


• I will be reworking the neckline and the armscyes for the Lavold sweater.


• I don't have a problem with the pointy crotch thing.


• I would marry M-H if I were a lesbian. Although I don't know where that would leave Sandra. But she makes a great friend and I can't wait to meet her at Rhinebeck next fall.


• Tricky is correct: JT's socks are made from Step. Great yarn. Haven't had any splitting so far.


• I've promised Ted some kitchen towels so now I must warp the loom.


• In answer to Denyse, my Arwen is dying on the needles. For some reason, I just don't feel like working on it. The yarn may be destined for something else.

There you are. Got it? Good.

On Beyond Zebra
I haven't said much about this issue of IK because frankly, the less said, the better. However, I did like the new layout. I've been through the magazine's several iterations and it's always been improved. They're smart--the redesign isn't in-your-face, as the last Knitter's was a few years ago. It's subtle but very classy. Now, if there were one thing in the issue that I wanted to knit, that would be nice.

Oobleck
OK, now you're going to truly cremate me. Because I bought Arctic Lace and wish I hadn't. I thought it was totally boring, with the exception of the Moebius scarf. Which pattern I could live without.

I am not interested in the Cup'tik knitters. I have little interest in knitting with quivit, although I may spin some if presented with the opportunity and the money.

I realize the value and importance of documenting Alaskan knitting for historical purposes but to be honest, there was too much of that and not much in the way of actual stitch patterns or designs for the knitter, at least nothing challenging or enticing. I didn't hitch my bandwagon to Cowichan stuff either, so it's a matter of taste, as it usually is. I don't care for Native American knitting motifs. Now weaving, particularly Navajo, is another subject entirely. That I do like.

My bad. I grabbed the book when I was in the Reston Barnes & Noble because it was the only knitting book they had that I thought I might want. But didn't look at it first. So I have no one to blame but myself.

I Wish We Could Do What They Do in Katroo. They Sure Know How to Say "Happy Birthday to You!"

My little brother Rich is 53 today. Happy birthday, mein bruder.

Sorry I hit you on the head with a milk bottle. Sorry I pushed you out of the apple tree that time. Sorry I tortured you daily. But when the chips were down and the neighborhood bullies went for us, we were a fighting team.

And you're still the one person I'd call for a pickup baseball game. And the one I'd send into Old Man Cornell's yard to retrieve the ball.

A rare and handy brother. And my dear friend. Love ya, Rich.