Gimme that remote. NOW!!

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.--Jerry Seinfeld

Here's what I really don't get, as much as I like to think I understand men well enough to communicate with them on any level.

The remote issue, butt of many jokes. Except that it's true. The other day, watching the Yankees game, I felt compelled to hand my love the remote, even though I didn't think he'd switch it. He didn't, because it was the Yankees.

Otherwise, it's deference to the TV God. Yikes. Flip, flip, flip, every channel a mere shadowy image and then another, and another, and another. I will never truly know how one can determine what's worth watching if you don't spend a minimum of 20 seconds on each station. And then there's checking the TV listings. Heaven forfend. Like asking for fucking directions.

Men complain that these are stereotypes. Not with the men I know. It's reality. They do it and it's not funny. It's annoying. But I love them nonetheless. And since I don't shop 'til I drop, whine if they forget an important date, want to change their sorry t-shirt clad asses into a GQ poster boy, expect them always to pay for dinner, and all the other female bits they complain about, I figure I can knock 'em for this.

Knitter's
So, you want my take on this? OK. There are not words venial enough to express my utter disgust. And the cover? By the so-called "Knitter's Design Team"? Positively guaranteed to provoke gastro-intestinal eruptions.

What's with this Design Team? And who, besides DragonBoy, is a member? Speaking of whom, my fantasy is to corner him at Stitches and color his awful red leather pants (and his hair as well) a fine shade of lime green with a paintball gun. And then take a picture. Carol came as close as anyone I know to letting him have it full force. I would prefer to do some damage but he'd probably press charges. Unless I appear incognito, perhaps dressed up as the Tiny Diva.

Except that I think he'd guess it was a faux TD. Since I tower over her and I have about 75 lbs. on her, too.

But I could be as shrill and manic as she is. Give me a few months to practice. With Franklin coming next weekend, I may ask Dolores for lessons. She's so good at it. A true pro.

Spun-k
Thanks for the compliments on my spinning. It's been a long road and I still am not always happy with my consistency but then, I have Ted as a model, so I'm doomed. Perhaps. As I mentioned in the last set of comments, I bought my Matchless at the 1998 MD S&W, brought it home, along with about 3 pounds of merino/silk/angora. Clueless as I was, I didn't realize that this blend of fibers would be horrifically difficult for a beginner to handle. It was. And I made a gobby mess of it.

So the wheel became a quaint living room decoration. Until about 3 years ago, when I saw what Joe was spinning on his Louet. Shit, I said to myself, if he can do it, WTF is the matter with you? And then I realized--I needed to spin plain ole wool, not some exotic fiber. Within a couple of hours, the brain engaged the hand and I was able to spin a lot better. Here's a picture of some of the first plyed wool I made, on the right. And a recent BBF angora skein.
I dare to publish the close-up of the old stuff:
Pretty ratty looking. But everyone starts this way, except for Ted. I swear he began spinning laceweight the moment his hands touched a spindle.

Anyway, for those beginning spinners out there, keep doing it. Every day, if you can. I spin for at least 5 or 10 minutes when I get home every night, and I try to do 1-2 hours each weekend day. The more you do it, like sex, the better you get. Promise.

Scary Blogger Feature
Blogger has just added a video upload tool. I own a webcam that I never use. So...maybe I'll think about doing a video for anyone who's not met me and is interested in how truly psychotic I am. I like to think I'm rare and handy but in the case of a video, I may hand it over to the next-door neighbor, who's the video/sound nerd. And let him guide me. Or tell me to live in the real world, which he frequently does.

P.S. To my friends mentioned in this post, sorry I didn't set up the links. I'm tired, lazy, and want to sit outside in the beautiful late afternoon so I can knit. Everyone knows where you guys live, after all.

Ob-la-di Ob-la-da life goes on bra

Best Quote I Heard All Day
When you're drowning, you don't say "I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me," you just scream.--John Lennon

Drowning in work and yet I seem to be able to find the time to do my shit. How is that?

I guess it's all "time management." Feh. I hate that corporate jargon crap, though. If anyone at work ever uses "impact" as a verb again, I'm gonna fucking strangle them. And "utilize" is better than "use"? Bite me.

Knitting Buckets
That's another stupid corporate term, as in "let's put that task in the Operations bucket." Shut the fuck up. Shove THIS up your bucket.

Anyway, I've actually accomplished some knitting and some spinning. Here's the lineup:

These are the Kureyon socks. Believe it or not, I didn't even try to match the color changes. Somehow, it just happened. I will say that although I like the colors, the socks are felting already, as one of my readers noted in earlier Comments. I don't really give a rat's ass about that, since most socks felt to a degree anyway after repeated wearing. I might use it again. Maybe.

Remember the Las Vegas Brights silk? Here it is, getting plyed. As you can see, I spun it quite fine and gave it plenty of twist, as silk needs. The colors won't be evident until I skein it but I suppose it will make a nice lace scarf.

Loopy and I both have a pile of yarn that we've spun and never used. Loop sez: "Oh hell, I have stuff that I spun years (and I mean *years*) ago that I've never yet done anything with. The worst part is that they were spun for specific projects and I still haven't found the motivation
to start them."

Remember Starry Night? I have a shitload of that and never decided upon a suitable project. And then, there certainly is the motivation factor to be considered.


Finally, I've been diddling around with IK's freebie, the Icelandic Lace Shawl, done in some of the piles of Morehouse laceweight I own. The original is done in natural shades. I thought the design would do well for this kind of "hand-dyed" yarn.

What a peculiar little pattern it is, though. In the band of reverse stockinette, which is right above the feather-and-fan-ish bottom pattern, there are no central decreases, despite the fact that the stitch patterns before and after do have decs in the center. WTF? This causes a bubble on that band, one that can be blocked out.

I understand that putting decreases in this reverse st st band would somewhat upset the visual line. But still. I think I would have opted to put the decreases in.

The Fiber Nest
I had forgotten that I took this picture back in early January, right after we moved all my furniture up. The boxes are gone from the kitchen, the curio cabinet is filled, and the bookcases are jammed with all of my books. (Please, someone stop me from buying books.)

My loom is crammed into my bedroom, my winding station is next to my bedroom closet, and my swift is in the living room closet. But hey, it works for me. The stash is located in two other closets. This place does have good closet space, as small as it is.

And of course, I do have run of the next-door neighbor's place. With me, it's yarn, books, two wheels, and a loom. With him, it's cables, receivers, speakers, woofers, tweeters, mixing boards, tools up the wazoo, and a CD/DVD collection that begs description. Yikes.

He's the nerd, I'm the geek, as he says. True. However, both of us are packrats. Because you never know when you might need some stuff.

Rock Sox
Thank God for the Punk Princess. She has been very helpful in suggesting New Millenium artists and songs. She approved of my choices. And I love her for saying that the book idea is "kewl!" Liz suggested that I fit Bob Marley in, with "No Woman No Cry" as her choice, in Rasta colors. Of course, she wanted to know if she could have all the socks after they are photographed and the book is done. Well, maybe. I think I'll go with the Bob Marley concept, though. But that would go into the '70s section.

I liked the idea of using the Dixie Chicks instead of Green Day, Good Charlotte, or Blink 182. When I get to that point, I'll decide. I love the Dixie Chicks--perhaps I'll use "The Long Way Around" as a song. It's one of my favorites and certainly hits home with me. I always take the long way around, dontcha know?

The Chantilly Lace prototype is on the needles, after much swatching and fucking around. Those of you who design know this truism: If ya think it's gonna fly by what you see in your head, fuggedaboudit when it's on the needles.

Ruminations
Lately, I've been feeling that the knitting craze is coming to a screeching halt. I don't know why I have that sense of the end, but I do. After all, the real estate market has had el crasho grande. What goes up, must come down. We'll still see a plethora of knitting books for the next year or so, due to the length of time it takes to get a book out.

Nonetheless, I think the weekend knitting warriors have been weeded out and are on to another hobby, perhaps beermaking or macrame. Or golf.

That's not to say that the KnitDweebs are gone. They're alive and well on the lists and on Ravelry too. Ravelry being the perfect place for them to run amok. No matter. I do the la-la-la thing if I come across them. Loop found a real gem who is infesting the Heirloom Knitting list and the SnitU list. I won't out this woman here. The only hint I can give you is this: Let it snow. If you read these lists, you'll know who I mean.

Well, gang, it's off to Montclair for lunch with Mammy, brother Rich, and the ubiquitous Queen of Chaos, Scrappy aka Sissyboo aka Karen. Rich turned 54 yesterday. Happy birthday, bro. You are the rarest and handiest brother anyone could have. Just be glad I don't kick your ass anymore.

KTHXBYE.

The Last to Know, Of Course

Best Quote I Heard All Day
There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it--Dorothy Parker

And I do magnificently disregard my readers. Because I write for me. Always. I do not pander to the great unwarshed.

You know, of course, that subscribers are starting to receive their copies of the Winter Interweave Knits.

Unfortunately, that is not true of this writer. Ah, me. I have not yet seen this issue, wherein I have two articles, the interview with Kristin Nicholas, and the endpaper, Ravelings. I suppose if I were a subscriber, I would have done.

There was some very minor editing done on the interview, which I saw and approved. Didn't affect it much and frankly, once you write something and submit it, it ceases to belong to you anyway. However, I don't know if the Ravelings, originally submitted as "Brackets", was ever edited. I never received any edited copy. I sure hope it wasn't, too much.

My one sadness is that the person who inspired me to write "Brackets" has not yet read it. I hope they will.

But my mother is very proud of me. Even when you're 57, having your mom tell you that means a lot.


You May Have Noticed
Or not. But I have started using titles for the blog. Why? Well, because evidently Ravelry needs a title in order to present a screenshot of your blog on your page.

We'll see how long I last with this.

The Latest Blog Superstar and Greasy Kid Stuff
Ya know, Liz kills me. Whenever I put up her picture on the blog, she somehow thinks she's received her 15 minutes of fame. Um, not hardly likely. But few of you have ever seen a picture of my other grandchild, Ian, aka Birthday Present.

It's been said that Ian and I share the same impish eyes and smile. We almost share the same birthday. Ian was born on April 26, I on April 25. If his mother's labor hadn't been so gawd-awful long, he would have come a bit sooner.

Ian's with us this weekend. He's my favorite 10-year-old, bar none. Although I must admit, I don't get the fascination with Transformers. But Ian loves my spinning wheel, thinks it's very cool machinery.

I'm waiting for him to transform it.


Rhetorical question: Why do all toys seem to be two mints in one these days? Car into robot, robot into flowerpot, eggbeater into megamonster. Whatever happened to yo-yos, kites, toy trains, et al? I know. I'm an old fart, even though I'm a technogeek.

And don't get me going on safety considerations for playtime. I managed to make my way through childhood, riding a bike sans helmet, rollerskating like a dervish (without kneepads), walking across the jungle gym with no protective padding beneath me, without ever cracking my skull open or breaking a damned thing.

Of course, I did often get grass cuts, which I allowed to bleed down my leg, for maximum shock effect when presented to my mother. It was worth the blood drip to see her practically faint.

More Spinning Shit
Back by semi-popular demand. This is all I've been able to do the past few days. No knitting at all. I do like this Las Vegas Brights silk. It will be interesting once plyed.




I'm now finished the yellow bit, into the orange, and then it's back to the blue and the sequence starts all over again.

I will probably begin spinning the other roving at a different spot in the color sequence so that I get a blend of colors when plyed.

Re: Ravelery groups, I did join some spinning groups that I've found very worthwhile, Schacht Spinners and Spin Tech, along with the generic Spinning group. There's been interesting discussion about Scotch tension versus double drive tension, which is better.

The Joy is Scotch tension only; however, the Schacht Matchless can be set up as DD or ST. For this silk, I decided to fuck around with Scotch tension because I rarely use it on the Matchless. I rather like it, actually, although in spinning this silk, very little tension is needed, as is with merino.

The one thing that many newbie spinners don't realize is that once you set up for one tension or the other, you can't switch mid-bobbin. You've got to see it all the way through to the end.

I'm fast becoming a Scotch tension convert, though. I have always liked it on the Joy. No reason not to like it on the Matchless. It's true--you can control the tension much better than with a double-drive tension setup. And besides, setting up a single driveband is a lot easier than a double.

Enough of this. I've got a busy day tomorrow, a brunch at Stix-n-Stitches down in Montclair, a whirlwind visit with Mammy, and then up to E'burg with another load. This is the 4th time I've moved since Jimmy died in 2002. I'm sick of it. It's very unrare and extraordinarily unhandy. And I've been finding that I've been missing him very much lately. Despite my "new normal."

Best Quote I Heard All Day

If you be sick, your own thoughts will make you sick--Ben Jonson

Based on the rash of infested groups that have sprung up on Ravelry, I'd say that there are a lot of sick knitters out there. A plethora of disease-filled needle 'hos, if you will.

Knit 1, Wheeze Too--perfect for those of you with respiratory ailments who want to share your sputum with other infected and affected souls.

Knitting With Pain. Yep, chronic pain sufferers.

Thyroid Yarnies. Self-explanatory.

Neuro-Diversity. OCD, ADD, and any other neuro-abbreviation.

These are real Ravelry groups, gang. Along with other excitingly contagious groups such as Crunchy Christian Crafters, *fiber faeries* (whose tag says: "fiber makers who believe in faeries note: joining will save faerie lives! "), Busdriver's That Knits (yes, busdrivers who knit in Norway) and a bunch more.

Fortunately, there are worthwhile groups to join, that eschew this nonsense. I rather fancy Porn-knitographers, myself. Those who write erotica, knit, and sometimes do both at the same time. I practice what I preach.

Many groups have few members. I understand people's need for support if they are dealing with an illness. However, I have found that if you are needy, you will tend not to manage your disease or disorder but look for tea and sympathy. Looking for information and direction is fine. So find a group solely dedicated to your problem and leave knitting out of it.

But let's be glad that Jess and Casey have opened up the forums for these people who seem to need to add yet another attachment or malady to their knitting talk. At least we don't need to read this crap on the lists. And in actuality, I've pretty much given up reading the lists anyway.

These groups do affirm my believe in the species KnitDweeb, how-some-ever.

Some knitting lists have started groups on the Ravelry Forum. I find that quite interesting as a social dynamic.

So I guess you can see where this will lead. Yes, to...

Open Mic Thursday

A bifurcated topic this week. Because, as we all know, I'm rather bifurcated myself.

1) Do you think that the Ravelry groups portend the demise of knitting mailing lists as we've known them?

2) What disease/disorder/malady would you like to see represented on the Ravelry Forum? Use your imagination.

If this ain't grist for your mill, it sure is for mine. By the way, ask Carol about her group. It has to do with kielbasi. And Koigu. Together. A greasy, merino-y combination. Ravelry, if nothing else, is an equal opportunity community. Me, I'm all for big sausages. Fuck the Koigu. Really, you don't want to know about this group.

Yes, I Still Do Fiber Shit

So this week, I managed to get some spinning done. Finally finished plying all of the Black Bunny Fiber alpaca that Carol gave me for my last birthday. A pleasure to spin.

Not satisfied with that, I started spinning some silk roving that I bought at Rhinebeck last year, suitably called "Las Vegas Brights."

I do love bright colors. Like a magpie. And I have two lengths of this roving, 2 ounces each. Enough for a scarf or something. Silk is one of my very favorite fibers to spin.

I'm liking this single a lot. I started with the blue and segued into the hot pink.

And a day or so ago, I was reading Carol's complaint that she couldn't seem to spin thinner.

Ted gave Carol some very good advice: Stop worrying about how thin you're spinning and be more concerned about consistent drafting.

Well, here's the key. As Mabel Ross always said, "Measure and count." You must consistently enter the same amount of fiber into the twist, while you treadle evenly, with the same number of wheel rotations for every length of fiber introduced into the twist.

It's all a matter of that, plus knowing how much twist the fiber needs. Combining treadling speed with whorl size and tension to get the grist you want takes some experience. And that's where sampling comes in.

A new spinner should sample, sample, sample. Until all of the aforementioned actions become instinctive and the desired thickness of yarn is achieved. This is not something that can be taught, in my opinion. It must be felt. Brain connects to hands, and you're in.

As Ted says, it's actually harder for an experienced spinner who has produced thin singles to spin heavier weight singles. However, if you have the feel for how much fiber you need to introduce for the weight you want, you can do it.

Just remember the first time you held knitting needles and tried to make a stitch. Awkward. Klutzy. And then, brain engaged hands and you had it. Same thing here. (Of course, I was only 8 when I learned to knit but I remember the brain-hands marriage as clear as day.)

And now, it's time to return to the rare and handy wheel because that silk is calling me before I go to bed. And then there's the boxes of stash lined up in my dining room, ready to go to E'burg. So I've kept out what I need and the rest goes over the Gap on Saturday. (And yes, this is being published prior to 12 midnight, as is my habit.)

Best Quote I Heard All Day
We'll explain the appeal of curling to you if you explain the appeal of the National Rifle Association to us.--Andy Barrie

For those of you who don't know who Andy Barrie is, read this. Now you know.

O, Canada!
Today was Canada Day in my house. I had a wonderful phone-o-rama with my beloved friend, Ted Myatt, and read Lee Ann's blog.

And realized (or is it realised?) how many Canadian knitters and Canadian yarn companies have influenced me.

The short list, besides the two aforementioned people:

• Veronik Avery
• Kate Gilbert
• Lucy Neatby
• Sivia Harding
• JoVE
• Barb Brown
• Katherine Matthews
• Lars Rains
• Koigu
• Fleece Artist
• Fiddlesticks Knitting

I know, I've left out just a few. No offense intended and some were omitted on purpose. But those listed are the ones that I appreciate the most. (I'd do links but it's late and I'm lazy, so Google.)

The first Canadian I ever met was at college. She was born in Canada but raised in Brasilia, her father being a Canadian diplomat posted there, and could sing Tommy James and The Shondells' Hanky Panky in Portuguese. What a pisser she was. And it was the first time I heard anyone say "aboot" and "hoose." I was completely gobsmacked. Of course, my skanky New Jersey accent was the butt of her jokes, too.

Some guys I knew from high school fled to Canada to avoid the Vietnam War, and are still there, Canadian citizens, despite the amnesty. Makes you wonder if it's worth fleeing there now. Such a sane country.

I'm looking forward to seeing my Canadian friends at Rhinebeck. As well as my Aussie friends.

Of the knitting blogs I read, half are Canadian, Australian, and British. Probably because they lack the idiotic flavor that has permeated the American knitting blogs.

Rapunzel Rulez
Or some shit like that. Spinning was about it today. After being invaded this afternoon by daughter Jenn, grandson Ian, and Jenn's boyfriend Norm, I got absolutely no warping done. Eh, so what. I always love seeing Ian, who's never had his picture published solo on the blog. So here he is, the most recent picture I have, taken at Christmas:

He was born the day after my birthday, hence his nickname "Birthday Present." Ian's modus operandi is to run into the house, say "Hi Gram, bye Gram," and then run outside, hopefully with one of cousin Liz's skateboards. If Liz is not at home.

Anyway, I decided to spend my evening spinning the Grape merino/tussah silk. The bobbin never seems to get any fuller. It defies the laws of physics, possibly. I'm sure there's some rocket scientist who reads this blog and will correct me.

I've not been spinning much during the past four months or so. Time to get back to the wheels. After talking to Ted about his dyeing efforts, I'm tempted to fiddle with some of the Bluefaced Leicester I have ageing in the stash.

April's Fool
It's now after midnight, which means that it's April 1. Three more days until Joe's birthday. Twenty-four until my 57th. I could have done another April Fool's post, as I did last year, but I'm rather retarded tonight. It's enough to write this and update the Bizarro Link of the Month.

However, I do have some news to impart.

Two days ago, I received a call from the David Letterman show, asking me to appear on the show next month doing a Stupid Human Trick. I won't spoil the surprise but those who know me can guess what I'll be doing.

Yes, it's rare and handy. And almost superhuman, too. Will I beat the Tiny Diva at her own game? Stay tuned.