Cheap is Good, Free is Better

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.--Dorothy Parker

It's time for a Dot quote. She once reviewed a play by writing "If you don't knit, bring a good book."

She's the original Jersey Girl, sans big hair and painted claws.

FREE! Suckah!
So, here it is. My Yeti Socks, the plain vanilla worsted-weight pattern that I promised to make available to ya.

 

 You can check out the pattern, the directions format, and if you want, give me your dollah-three-eighty thoughts. I'm always open to ideas.

Fucking Up

I do it frequently, at least with my knitting. My theory is, the more experienced a knitter you are, the more likely you are to make mistakes by being too poor to pay attention.

So I'm working on an Aran design, a rework of last year's, and lo! I screwed up while watching TV, talking to Jerry, petting the cat, and drinking the caffeine needed to jump-start my state of being.

Ever corrected a cable fuck-up without ripping out row after row? For those who haven't, here's how you do it.

 

First, you rip out the rows of the miserable fuck-up and put 'em on a double-pointed needle the same size as your main needles. Note all the connecting row threads.

 

Now I'm fixing the cable twist that I screwed up, using the two dps to reknit the eight stitches that comprise this motif. The one thing you have to watch is to use each ripped out row thread in its correct order.  It's very easy to use the thread one row above the one you're correcting.

I've always caught my mistakes early on--I'd puke if it happened a few rows above the ribbing.

So I put this question out on FaceBook to my friends and now I'll pose it to you: Which would you prefer for an Aran sweater--one complete chart that includes all of the motifs and filler stitches or individual charts with directions that include the fillers. Or have the whole damned thing written out? If you look at the first picture, you'll see my chart above the knitting. I charted the whole front, with bold red lines demarcating each section, including fillers. I've found this to be very easy to follow. I printed it out on legal size, works for me. 

Here's the almost completed front, still in progress. The yarn is Louet Gems Merino DK.

Haven't decided yet where the pattern for this sweater will go. I need to ask a certain designer friend of mine where she thinks I should submit it. And if it's worth submitting.

Deutschland, Deutschland, Uber Alles

Yeah, I'm of German descent. Dad was born in Hamburg and because his father was a non-practicing Jew married to my Oma, a Gentile, they beat feet out of Germany in 1938, to London, and then to New York City. I speak some German, nicht sehr gut aber ich bin noch am lernen.

So just for the hell of it, I did a little research on knitted German clothing and found trachtenhose, which are socks worn with traditional German costumes, both by men and women.  When I was very small, I remember my grandparents giving me lederhosen and a beautiful loden cape that they brought back from a trip to der Vaterland.

The next design in my head is a pair of trachtenhose, which will contain traveling stitches found in German knitting plus embroidered flowers such as the ones found on German costumes--simple, bright, and pretty. Kristin Nicholas's embroidery on knitting has always interested me and it's a technique that would work beautifully on these socks, using crewel yarn.

This one will go to Patternfish.com, as will another sock design that I'm currently doing in Marks & Kattens' Fame Trend. And then, there's a toddler cardigan on the design board that resides in my head, plus a redo of the Jezebel lace socks. Shit, I've got more ideas than time. And no, I won't hire anyone else to knit for me at this point. I'm too fucking picky.

Da Mags

I gotta say, lately I'm liking Vogue tremendously. The quality of the designs has improved enormously. And of course, friend Carol has her first design published in the Spring issue! Yahoo! OK, I'm a bit biased. But still, Vogue is now well worth buying. But as Loopy said to me, do we really need 4-5 pages of how to do Kitchener in both VK and IK? Well...some do, I suppose. I've never had a problem grafting.

My new favorite is The Knitter. If you like Rowan magazines, buy this one--you can't beat designs by Martin Storey or Kaffe Fassett. I found it at Barnes & Noble. Not cheap but worth the money.

Out of Work, Out of Sight

Well, got the unemployment check last week. Feh. I keep getting contacted by these insane Indian recruiters, who permeate the IT employment market. Listen, if you don't leave an intelligible message on my cell phone, I ain't calling ya back because I can't fucking understand your phone number. Sheesh. And recruiters contact me for jobs for which I'm totally unqualified. If I wrote stuff for SAP users, that doesn't mean I'm an SAP developer. Read the fucking resume! OY.

So I'll be teaching some workshops at my beloved Stix-n-Stitches. That will help and I enjoy teaching, having been a software trainer. Working with knitters will be better, hopefully. At least the people who patronize S-n-S are rare and handy. I met this fabulous woman at the last Sit 'n' Knit I went to at the shop, Lucy. I almost fell off my chair when we talked about graduating from Montclair High School, and she told me she was in the class of '46. As she sat there knitting a complex pattern and looking no older than 65, maybe. 

There's hope for this babe, then. Birthday's coming in seven weeks. Urp.

Back from the Misty World

My God, it's been almost a month since I posted.

To everyone who wrote me, thanks so much for caring. Yes, I was in the depths, seriously. A few days after Rhinebeck, I could tell I was diving deep. Triggered by my insane schedule. I was warned this would happen by my doctor but it's the paycheck that kept me going, until I could go no more.

That said, I'm back. And much better. I never give up fighting the good fight. And there's some really excellent news. From all things bad, comes good. I will no longer be doing what I have been doing. I'm going to a new tech writing job, one that pays a ton more money and is much saner. No more travel, no whacky Europeans, no fucked-up non-processes. A very well-known pharmaceutical company. The nightmare is over.

Sedated Knitting

So yeah, while I've been out on medical leave, I pretty much sat and knit this incredibly boring worsted-weight shawl. All seed stitch. Loopy couldn't imagine me doing this. But then, she wasn't taking a shitload of drugs, either. This is a Kathy Zimmerman design from the Vogue On the Go Shawl book 2. I just took the pattern and used it with a pile of leftover Morehouse 3-ply I had in the stash. I wanted something heavier, that would go well with jeans.

Then there are the Noro socks I took to the doctor's office, so that I didn't have to read a 3-month old edition of People.

The other is on the needles. Cuz I ain't done with waiting rooms.

But I knew I was repaired yesterday when I started this Mari Dembrow sweater.

Swatched, hit gauge on the first try, and started the back.

When I say that knitting keeps me together, it's very true. If I ever stop, just dig a hole for me.

And I did finish the Princess cardigan in time for Rhinebeck.

Me and my peeps. And me in the cardigan. I did take a lot of pictures at Rhinebeck, of everyone and everything, which I'll eventually stick into a PowerPoint slide show.

The Giftie Mags

I admit, I buy these, even though I have absolutely no intention of knitting gifts for Christmas presents. I rarely knit gifts, although I've done socks for the family on occasion. Working myself into a frazzle over knitting some stoopid scarf for a gift is not something I care to do.

I must say, both IK and Vague gift issues were uninteresting, with the exception of a Brandon Mably jacket and Deborah Newton cardigan in VK. However, in the winter issue of IK, due out shortly, there is a lovely cardigan by Laura Grutzeck, co-author of Knit So Fine, called Ropes and Picots. I particularly like the saddle shoulder shaping.

Cardigan and Finishing Fixations

I've pretty much let my lace knitting go for the time being, simply because I miss making garments. And I find that cardigans suit my lifestyle and figure much better than pullovers. How many airy-fairy shawls do I need?

I love the whole finishing process of a garment. Many years ago, I did finishing work for local yarn shops to earn extra money. And there's no question that my sewing background helped.

But more than that, long before hand knitters were using mattress stitching, 3-needle bind-offs, and other finishing techniques, machine knitters were doing all of these, as well as "cut and sew" on cardigan fronts, necklines, etc. From 1981 until the early '90s, I was a dedicated machine knitter, with two Brother machines, plus a Passap Duomatic 80.

I learned much about finishing from the machine knitting books, especially how to block properly. When you take a piece off of the knitting machine, it has to be blocked, due to the stress on the fabric from the weights and the stretching over the needle bed.

I believe that the finishing process is an act psychologically separate from knitting and shaping the fabric. And one that gives me enormous satisfaction. There's nothing better than a nicely finished garment. Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

Liz Update

My girl is starting to look at colleges. Can you believe it? I can't. Shit, she's a junior in high school now, headed for art college. Still doing the marching band thing. I went to see her band compete a few weeks ago in the Northeast Regional competition. They came in fourth, pretty damned good. Liz is playing the quints this year, those five little drums. And she's the shortest kid in the band, so you can easily find her in the crowd. I love seeing her in that uniform. She looks like a little tin soldier.

She's still my Punk Princess. Yes, there is a ring in her lip and a stud in her nose. And the bandana is a nice touch. When I see her, I'm always reminded of myself at that age. Musical, artsy, rebel. Take no prisoners. One rare and handy kid, forever my love.

Vacated, Vacant, Vacuous?

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?--Mark Twain

Because I have five days off. That's it for this summer, other than Labor Day weekend.

So I'm makin' it short and sweet. Bulletpoints. Bite me.

Da Mags

• The new VK is out and it's one of the best in a long time. Why? Because it's loaded with Canadians. Between the Canadians and the Brits, there's a shitload of talent. (That's not to say there aren't any Americans on my list--but that list seems to be dwindling.) And here's something quite excellent that's on VK's site. A video showing a number of the garments. This is a brilliant idea and something that should be de rigeur for all of the magazines.

• The new IK should be in the hands of subscribers now. Loopy got hers and said that it was OK, a few good designs (once again, Veronik Avery, naturellement). I have seen it online and honestly, I think VK wins this one.

• Knitters'? The X-Men have truly created a cyber-morass. In the impossibly fucked-up web site they call "The Knitting Universe," that Gordian knot of links, subpages, and miscellanous dead ends, the Gallery for issue 92 is broken. What else would you expect? Clearly, someone started to set it up and then, oh whoops, forgot to put the images into the right directory. Links don't work, boneheads. Pictures ain't loading. I guess they got lost in the Universe. IT Rule of Thumb: It don't go live if it's fucked up. (Unless, of course, you work with Slovenian developers.) Would you buy a magazine whose staff can't even design a decent web site, let alone a functional one? Rhetorical question, purely.

Open Mic Thursday

Well, since I'm mentally on vacation, I had to think this one over. It seems to me that with all the nightmare crap on the news, knitting has become more and more a focal point for me. Hey, nobody's stabbed anyone recently with a #1 dp, have they? Or did I miss that on CNN? Or Faux News? (You have to love Olbermann for that one, along with "Ann Coultergeist," "The Comedian Rush Limbaugh," "Billow," and "Murdoch St. Journal." Brilliant man.)

Anyway, with knitting being more important than anything (ask any KnitDweeb), recently Loopy and I had this conversation about how many methods of casting on are truly necessary. We both agreed that we use the same four: long-tail, provisional (crocheted), cable, and knitted-on aka lace cast-on. This topic was a segue from the uselessness of POK and other tomes that offer you more crap than you'll ever need to know.

So ponder this:

What technique/method have you attempted that you found to be a total waste of time?

I can name at least two that I've mucked around with and wished I hadn't, but I'll let you go for it.

If you belong to the Knit It Because You Can School of Thought, I'm sure you won't have anything to say.

Anyway, skanks, I'm off to bed. I have gotten a bit done on the Loden Mist jacket. In fact, I'm on the final piece, the second sleeve. Then it's block 'n' sew. Should be done next week. I will say this: The directions were ghastly. And there was a glaring error in them, too. Caveat Knitter's. The pattern was marked Experienced. Yes. Experienced in figuring out shit that Knitter's fucks up. Rare and handy is an accolade they'll never get from me.

P.S. The Punk Princess just got her learner's permit and had her first driving lesson today. She reassured me that "I did REAL good, Gram. No matter what ANYONE says." I'm taking her shopping tomorrow for her belated birthday present, a starter bass guitar. She wants to drive my car. I'm going to let her do it. Because I'm her Gangsta Gram. Be afraid of very tiny blonde punk chicks behind the wheel. And a slightly anxious bottle blonde grandmother sitting next to her.

Just Shut the Fuck Up, Already

Best Quote I Heard All Day
Jesus! Where will it end? How low do you have to stoop in this country to be President? —Hunter S. Thompson

As always, the Duke is the best source for a pithy comment. Whatever happened to gonzo journalism? That was writing that teetered on the edge, always radical, always insightful, if you dared to accept it. Now it’s nothing but talking heads. And talking, bickering candidates of the Democratic Party persuasion.

Prior It Tease
…are becoming skewed, slivered, and fricasséed. At this point in time, it would appear that my life’s list is as follows:

1. Work—write endlessly boring text about how to click buttons, track vehicles, run reports. And becoming an expert on DOT regulations for “motor carriers.” Trucks. Of all shapes and sizes.A thrill of a learning experience.

2. Sleep and food, the latter generally provided by Neal, the former by medication.

3. Knitting and spinning

4. My family and friends

5. My blogs

One month since I posted. Sheesh. Work is sucking the life blood out of me and that’s going to come to a screeching halt. I need this job, especially with the recession enveloping us, but they need me more, in a way, than I need them. So I’ve decided what my priorities will be and make sure all of them get equal attention.

Traveling Mar
Yeah, it’s going to be one of those months—just spent two days in Uncasville/Taftville, CT, working with a new client. However, I stayed at Mohegan Sun, a place glitzy enough to cause epileptic seizures. Staying there was the idea of our high-roller VP of Sales, who got us all rooms on the cheap. I played the slots for approximately a half hour and lost $30. That was more than enough. God, what a mindless activity.

Off to Newburgh, NY, then Indy. That’s April. In May, off to Russellville, Arkansas. Bleah. But that may do it for the travel until next fall. I hope. I’d druther stay home these days.

Technology Roolz or Droolz, Take Yer Pick
Kinda. For the first time, I’m using Word 2007 to publish my blog entry. Think about that. Blogs have so proliferated that Billy Gates figured he should add a blog publishing feature in the latest version of Word. You connect Word with your blog account—Word gives you a number of blog publishing choices—and then you can click “Publish” when you’re finished and up it goes. We’ll see. This could be a good thing.

Obligatory Knitting Shit
I finished the Icelandic Lace Shawl. My one comment on this freebie shawl is that I would have decreased the crocheted chains on the edging by 25%. Too many—they should have been spaced more equably. The pattern itself is somewhat on the odd side, constructionwise. It was not terribly straightforward, with a center stitch that disappeared in one stitch pattern, resurfacing in the next.

I’m busy working out the sock designs for the book—Chantilly Lace is charted and I’m proving it out. Born in the USA’s prototype is done. Two down, 16 to go.

I also finished the Las Vegas Brights silk, plyed it, and skeined it up. From 4 ounces, I got 853 yards of laceweight. Not enough for a shawl, too much for a scarf. So maybe it will do for two scarves. And yes, Sissy Scrappy, I might give you one.

As soon as the LVB was off the bobbins, I started spinning some black alpaca I bought from Mel and David at Rhinebeck. Now of this, I have 14 ounces, more than enough for a shawl. Yes, I know. Knitting lace in black is a bitch. And your point would be? It’s too HARD, as Junior Bush has said? I can handle it. Although I may whine about it at some point, once I start knitting lace with it.

Thoughts on Lace
It dawned on me the other day that of late, meaning the past two years, I’ve only really been interested in lace. Hence the newest train knitting project, the Cobweb Crepe shawl from Sharon Miller’s book Heirloom Knitting. This is constructed in the center square/diamond-border-edging method, one that I like very much. This is done in Helen’s Lace by Lorna’s Laces, quite nice to knit with. It does look like a bag one might buy in the Salvation Army store.

Sharon offers different ways of working this construction—you can pick up around the edges of the center for the border, then knit on the lace edging. Or you can work the damned thing flat, with seams to sew. Supposedly working this in the round is HARD, or at least for “experienced” knitters. Nonsense. In my mind, working something in the round and eliminating seams, particularly in lace, is far easier than fucking around with flat pieces. It is truly not at all hard, as long as you pay attention, work the edge stitches of the center properly so that they can be used in the border pick-up, and remember that garter stitch in the round is knit one round, purl one round. No big deal.

So here’s the “bag” so far. The border is a simple Old Shale derivative, the edging Clematis. This is a construction that is relatively easy to design with. I worked the center diamond as written, in garter stitch, but a scattered eyelet pattern would be nice. I wish I had thought about doing that before I started. I particularly like what I call “columnar” edgings, ones that are vertical rather than horizontal. I think that the symmetry found in these types of borders lends itself well to the mitering of the shawl’s corners. Just my opinion, for what it’s worth.

Mags
Well, I bought the new Vague. About the only design I found appealing was Kaffe’s cardigan. Other than that, it was the usual snoozer. However, you spinners out there—buy this issue of Spin-Off. It’s one of the best they’ve published in a while. With most of the other fiber magazines thudding along, Spin-Off has pulled itself together with the new layout, new editor, and it’s well worth buying. I highly recommend Abby Franquemont’s article on plying. I found it extraordinarily good and enlightening. The article on making cabled yarn was the one that intrigued me the most, although it’s rather a belabored process.

A Franklin Extravaganza, with Hot Wolverinas Attending

My darling gay son will be in Philly in a week. (I'm stealing from his lovely mother, and Franklin is the same age as my daughter Corinne, so he could be her gay twin brother--except that she's blonde.) Read all about his shoot at Wool Gathering in Kennett Square, PA. And if you live within driving range, getcher ass there. It's Saturday the 19th. I'll be there, as will Carol Sulcoski, maybe Joe, maybe some other Wolverinas, although Liza can't make it.

I don't recall ever hearing of any other knitting gaggle (or is it a murder of knitters?) quite like the Wolvies. And who are the Wolvies? I will give big kudos (such an oily word) to any reader who can name all 8 members of the Wolverinas. You've got 4 already if you read carefully. Now, come up with the other four. I bet ya can't do it

Anyway, kids, my lunch hour is well over. But it’s Friday, so fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke. I’m glad to have had a few minutes to write something that means more to me than any other prose that leaks from my electronic pen. Here’s some close personal Hoboken friends, who greet me every morning as I walk towards the Light Rail that takes me to Jersey City.

Some rare and handy birds, although they shit all over the place. But my Oma always told me that bird crap on your head means you’ll be lucky. I can do without luck in that instance.

Snippy? Me? You Bet Your Sweet Ass.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
The advocates for either side are under enormous pressure, and, of course, they're being pretty snippy with each other from time to time.--Bill Clinton

So yes, I'm following all the snippiness going on in the political cesspool. Even though I generally don't use the blog for my political views, I gotta say just this to all the candidates:

Shut the fuck up if you have nothing worthwhile to say. And I haven't heard anything that qualifies, so far.

Can you imagine politically incorrect me running for office? Ye gods and little fishes. I'd give 'em good sound bites. And probably some substance.

The Long Way Home
It's been brutal, these past couple of weeks, but then, I knew it would be. Six hours a day to commute, get home at 8, get fed by Neal (he usually is home before me), and then it's el crasho grande and back up at 4:30, coffee chez Neal at 5, and we're both out the door at 6 a.m.

The train is for sleeping and knitting Neal his heavy-weight Jarbo socks. I have to say, I'm settling in now and I'm about to attempt something more pithy than stoopid socks. But I highly recommend the Jarbo. Loopy has used it for awhile and she got me hooked on the stuff. Neal is about to wear his first pair out, I swear. So now I have another pair almost done for him so he can put one set in the wash. Before they walk out the door.

This weekend will be another whirlwind. But with Mammy in the hospital this week for an overnight scare (she has diverticulitis but no pain and will be OK), I haven't had one minute to write the blog.

So fucking bite me. But I am truly snippy from lack of sleep, not lack of meds. That's what Neal calls me, when I'm crabby. You say snippy, I say crabby. Same diff.

Open Mic Thursday
Yeah, I finally found a topic that I think deserves your consideration. Actually, it's a product that I think is completely useless. So that's my opinion. But here we go:

What do you think of audio knitting books?

I know lots of people love those books on tape or whatever the fuck they're called. Moi, I prefer paper in hand and not some overpaid actor talking prose to me. If I have earphones on, it's strictly for music.

For the life of me, I cannot see the value of having Ann Feitelson's The Art of Fair Isle on any audio media. Gimme the book. Paper. No steenkin' e-book, either.

I realize it's late Thursday night, but it still counts. So go rip me a new asshole. I'm in that kind of mood. But you do know I lerves you all. And I will be writing more, now that I'm firmly ensconced in E'burg.

The New VK
While Mammy was in the hospital, I stopped by Stix-n-Stitches, my favorite yarn shop in NJ, and hung out with Sheila for a bit. She had the new VK. I was completely underwhelmed, as I am usually with Vague these years. However, Brandon Mably had a wonderful dress therein and if I were thin and under 30, I'd make it in a hot NY minute. There were a couple of OK things, and some seemingly good articles but I didn't read them all. I suspect that IK has done them previously, and frankly, better.

Sheila showed me some new sock yarn by Berroco, Comfort, completely acrylic but amazingly nice. And she had a few other Berroco yarns that were also half decent. I think that Norah Gaughan has made her mark on Berroco and hopefully the company will cease and desist producing hideous designs made with wretched yarn. So let's keep an eye on Berroco. And Classic Elite, too. I'm starting to see better ads and I know that's Pam Allen's influence.

So. It's off to bed with me. Cleo is happier than a pig in shit, these days. She has peace and quiet, no other cats to disturb her, and as she always says, "Hai, Mar. Wur u bin? Nidding? Werkin? Wat?" I depend on her Imperial Rare and Handiness to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I am sick of reasonable people; they see all the reasons for being lazy and doing nothing--George Bernard Shaw

How can you be unemployed and yet be busy? Easy. Factor in a 10-year-old grandson who is staying with you for the week.

Swimming all week at the lake, last night up to the Sussex County Fair on one of the hottest days we've had. And yes, I ate funnel cake. I mean, who wouldn't want to eat fried dough in 90 degree weather?

Vague Knitting's 25th Anniversary Issue
I bought this without flipping through it first. While I would like to say it is the most wonderfulest issue ever, it's not. Yes, there are a number of interesting things, specifically Norah Gaughan's swing jacket, Deborah Newton's tunic jacket and puff-stitch hoodie, Shirley Paden's diagonal cable pullover, and a few more. Otherwise, it was a modge-podge, with too-dark photos and much weirdness going on. Hairpin lace? Why? Meg's List, to A to Z, with only back issue citations? Very helpful to those new knitters who probably don't own those issues.

First of all, it seemed to me that it was really the Mari Lynn Patrick Anniversary issue. She was all over the issue, with designs in every editorial section. And in the interview with Knitting's Old Guard. I'm sorry but when you put together a group such as Alice Starmore, Kaffe Fassett, and Meg Swansen, and then add Mari Lynn Patrick, it's like an IQ test question where you have to select the shape that doesn't fit. A knitting icon? Not in my book.

I guess it's not who you know, much.

The aforementioned interview was very interesting, though, and I enjoyed reading it. Knitting's New Guard was less interesting, simply because I find the design talents of the Old Guard much more inspiring. However, both interviews were indepth, something that is unusual these days in magazines.

The Top 10 Hits? Did VK really need to remake these? Uh uh. I remember when I first saw Marc Jacobs's Bubble sweater. At the time, it was very expensive to make and looked like crap on people who made it--I knew several people who did, much to their ultimate chagrin. The remake is positively hideous. As is the Map of the World sweater (the original was bad enough) and the Enchanted Forest remake, which completely loses the charm of the original. Awful. The only remake that was half decent was Nicky Epstein's fulled bag.

And the multiple advertorial covers? You now see what I mean about magazines driven by their ad revenue. Suffice it to say that the rate for these "covers" is astronomical, to be sure.

Nonetheless, the issue is probably worth buying, if only for some of the designs and those interviews. I only wish that the magazine layout and photos had more coherency to them. You'd think that a 25th anniversary issue would be more organized with a lighter, brighter feel. This one is positively funereal.

A Moment of Comic Relief
The Punk Princess managed to wangle VIP tickets to Warped Tour last Sunday for herself and doppelganger Daniella. Here's my favorite picture of her and Ms. D with Jeffrey, some drag queen who does a My Space or some such shit.

Liz's take? "Jeez, what a bitch."

Open Mic Thursday
Recently, like last week, I read that an Alice Starmore book, either The Scottish Collection or A Scottish Garland, I forget which, sold on eBay for USD$1,400. I own most of Starmore's books but not either of these. So, my topic for this week's discussion is:

Would you pay a premium price for an out-of-print knitting book? Are there any current books available now that might fetch exorbitant prices down the road when they are out of print?

I can honestly say that I own a number of knitting books, including Principles of Knitting, that would bring in a nice piece of change. But I bought them when they first came out, at the then-current price.

A Friend in Need
So yesterday, I get a message on my cellphone voicemail from a certain male knitter who is on vacation. OK, it was Joe. He's away in Martha's Vineyard with Thaddeus and had offered to shorten a sleeve on his sister-out-law's sweater. And couldn't remember how to Kitchener. With no access at that moment to the internet, he called me.

I was laughing when I called him back (he had since been able to access the internet and got the directions). Why? Because in all the years I've been knitting, all the side-to-side knife-pleat Adolfo skirts whose side seams I grafted, all the sock toes that have been closed up, I'll be damned if I can ever remember by heart those lousy directions.

Which is why I have them taped to the inside of my toolbox, as they have been for many years.

Yes, I do own a pink Chibi. No doubt they have sold on eBay for a very rare and handy price. I'll sell mine if it would pay for a trip to Europe. Or perhaps you'd prefer the Punk Princess dressed in pink? She's much higher maintenance than a Chibi.

Best Quote I Heard All Day
I like flowers, I also like children, but I do not chop their heads and keep them in bowls of water around the house.--George Bernard Shaw


No flowers--improvise.

Warp Speed, Mr. Scott
Too many bad puns to be made, no? Well, bite me, I'll keep making 'em.

In any case, I actually spent my weekend spinning silk, finishing up one sock, and winding the warp for the kitchen towels I'm making for Ted and me. Much to my everlasting chagrin, it would seem that young Buster, the cat-in-training, decided to take a chunk out of the blueberry cotton cone, so it will have to be the weft and the magenta the warp. No matter.

490 fucking threads. After doing half of them, I decided that putting all 490 on the warping board would be too much, so I'm making two warp chains. One is done, the other half-finished. By this weekend, I'll be ready to sley and thread the chains.

Nota bene: Sley means putting the threads through the reed slots, threading means putting them through the heddles that are connected to the shafts. Just so you know.

Warping is a huge pain in the ass but I'm bound and determined to discipline myself and use the old sock adage: When you've finished the first sock, start the second immediately.

When I've finished weaving these towels, I'm going to start another warp immediately. That way, I'll keep up on my weaving and maybe learn something.

Big Socks
Making a man's sock in size 13 is no laughing matter. It just goes on forever. But I actually did finish this last night and started its mate, so I'll have it done in a few days. If I focus on only socks, I can usually whip out a pair in four or five days. However, there is the Lavold sleeve to start, so this will get done when it gets done.

The bad thing about making socks for men with large feet is that you need two of the 100-gram balls because one is not enough. So my thoughts for this pattern are: Make a kid's size too, father and son socks. Works for me.

Spring Vague
I picked Vogue Knitting up yesterday along with the new Handwoven (excellent issue on overshot, by the way, for those interested).

Now you know I'm not going to buy it if it doesn't have some redeeming articles and designs. This issue, albeit a spring one, which season I generally don't care for, had several good things in it, to whit:

• A new Surplice Baby Surprise Jacket that Meg found in one of EZ's journals
  
• Some good buttonholes from Meg
• Some nice lace garments
• An interview with Maie Landra
  
• Always Lee Ann's Made in Canada column, which is usually the only thing worth reading
  

The rest left me underwhelmed but most of it was not ugly, just boring. Although there were two absolutely hideous garments but I'll let you figure out which ones they are.

The cover garment is an amazing lace dress by Shirley Paden.

Now, I generally eschew knitted dresses in general for obvious reasons: hem droop and baggy-ass syndrome. A 1978 effort done in fingering weight yarn (and incidentally, included the cat's paw lace motif used in Paden's dress) taught me much about knitting dresses. The knitting needs to be firm and you need to find a shape that ain't gonna turn you into a Fat Bottom Girl.

However, this dress is just beautiful and designed in such a way that you need not fear baggy-ass and who cares if the hem drops?

As designed, it's suitable for a 20-something. But you could easily lengthen it. I would do so and knit it in black. Unfortunately, the largest bust size is 40. That sure ain't me, Ms. Tit-o-licious.

In any case, I couldn't be bothered making this, unless Liz suddenly decides the punk look is out and she wants to emulate Barbie. That ain't gonna happen. But Liz is about the only person I know who could pull this dress off.

Hot Tuna
Is there nothing worse than a tuna melt? I'm downstairs making lunch a half-hour ago and was ruminating on my method of preparing tuna for a sandwich.

As you know, I rarely, if ever, put up recipes on this blog, although I love to cook. But I do make tunafish rather oddly. Here's what I do, keeping in mind that all ingredients other than the fish are eyeballed.

Mar's Basic Tuna Sandwich
1 can Progresso tunafish
small amount of mayo
equal portion of ketchup
Gold's Extra Hot horseradish
chopped onion (optional, but provides flavor that celery doesn't have)

And then there's my weird Japanese-Chinese tunafish:

Mar's Weird Japanese-Chinese Tuna Sandwich
1 can Progresso tunafish
small amount of mayo
equal portion of hoisin sauce
wasabi
chopped scallion.

Somehow, I think a Tex-Mex version would be completely revolting and certainly not rare and handy.

Bon appetit, as she used to say.